I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
