He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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