I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
