im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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