What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
