I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
