Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
