Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
