I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
