Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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