Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
