You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
