i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
