If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have fence marks all over my body
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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