Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
