my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize