I got chris browned last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize