Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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