i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
