You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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