dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
