My friends, they love my intelligence
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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