drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
