new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You pole danced in your parka.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
