it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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