So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
