I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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