he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I had to cum in my sink.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
