then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
