you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
