Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I love you. Go after that dick
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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