My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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