There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
