I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize