You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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