she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
