it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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