what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
