Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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