that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
