But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
