I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
