I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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