Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
