so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
