I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
