her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
