if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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