But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
