thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
