Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
