are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
