OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
