Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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