I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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