got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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