She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
