I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
