Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
