Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
