why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
