I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
