Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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