You're completely useless in the revolution.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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