I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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