so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You ate ashes out of my bong
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
