$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
