Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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