Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize