how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
