I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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