So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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