they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
