So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
