I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
