Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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