you guys were way drunker than both of me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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