she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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