It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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