just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
