I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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