Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
