I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
