So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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