He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
