"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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