Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
