Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
