I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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