i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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