she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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