Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
In America we eat man semen.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
