get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize