11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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