fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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