so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
