we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
