Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
