Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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