needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
