so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
