hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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