Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
