the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
