Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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